|Family Problems Vol. 1-2 (Rough Draft)
||[Oct. 9th, 2010|06:00 am]
Some of you have been asking why I've put off moving to Minneapolis and attending UMN another year. I don't like it either; I'm going to be 26 when I graduate. The simple fact is that my family is a complete mess, and at this stage in our lives leaving is just not the right thing to do. I've decided to set myself back and stay in Tulsa for one year for the sole purpose of trying to repair this situation...
I wish I knew where to begin, so I guess I'll just start by saying I love my parents. They have sacrificed everything for us. My father has worked more than 55 hours a week my entire life, and my mother gave up whatever career she might have had to raise us. I love my parents. However; lately the situation between us has reached a breaking point.
My mother is at times my best friend. We are exactly alike in so many good and bad ways. She's the intellectual type; well read, stubborn, witty, and she has a serious love of all things RnB. My father tries to be best friends with me, but he and I have nothing in common and aren't really alike to begin with. Even at age 23, I tag along with my mother to the smoke-filled casinos she likes to frequent in her days off, just so I can hang out with her as I would a friend my own age.
As the years have gone by things have changed within my family. I, once the frequently overlooked middle child, experience a rise to overwhelming "favorite" in my parents eyes the last five years as both of my siblings got into drugs, partying, and failed to finish high school. The attention was so welcome that I even caved to the pressure from them to being college directly after high school, despite having just signed my first record deal, even though I knew it was a bad idea. Still, my love and respect for my parents kept me from holding it against them.
My love and respect for my parents has, however, blinded me from many negative things going on in my family. The fact that we have a long-standing tradition of repressing emotions and avoiding discussion of serious issues doesn't help either. I really can't tell sometimes what the main issue is, so i'm going to lay them out as follows:
My mother hates my sister; Why? my sister is a homosexual. She has been trying to dress, talk, and act like a boy since she knew what one was. My mom was always in denial. She actually used to enjoy punishing my sister by forcing her to wear pink dresses when she got into trouble. My brother kept some of her jeans and t-shirts stashed in out room, so she could change clothes on the bus. My mother knew what my sister was, but was in a violent denial about it, and would do anything she could to degrade my sister and make her ashamed for being what she was.
So my sister rebelled. And rebelled. And rebelled. Dog collars, drugs, bondage pants, Marilyn Manson shirts, ect. Anything that would make my mother angry. When my sister finally came out at a family event when she was seventeen, my mother didn't come home for days. She was furious. It wasn't even because my sister was a homosexual, even if she was in denial she knew that already. She was angry because her child had embarrassed her in front of her conservative family. It was one of the most selfish things I have ever seen in my life; My family, minus my mother, eating dinner at McDonalds on Christmas Eve because my mother didn't want to be around us. I haven't looked at my mother in the same light since.
My brother, however, is a whole story himself. He is 27-years-old "gamer" and lives with my parents. He's a huge burden on my parents, not for financial reasons, but because they say that he makes them feel like failures. He's a pathological liar and a bit of a sociopath. He has an addiction to videogames, but I think if they were taken away he would find some other way to escape reality. I've remarked many times that if he could sit around and smoke weed, drink soda, and play videogames all day for the rest of his life he would. And he just may.
It's impossible to confront him about his problems because, as mentioned, he's pathological liar. You can't have any sort of debate with him, because if he starts to loose he'll begin to make up random facts and references to nonexistant sources. Any fault of his you bring up he will either; lie about it, deny it, or pass the blame to my mother. He has a lot of hatred and resentment towards women; he is always calling women he sees "fat," "disgusting," ect. when we hang out. I think this is because I haven't seen him with an attractive girl in a decade. It's his own doing though; he dresses like a bum, he has no prospects, and he lives with his parents. He wears old clothes which are usually far to large for his skinny frame.
Despite the fact that do pretty well when it comes to women, I can't even help him with this problem. Whenever I try to give him even the slightest tip about dating, what women want, ect. he becomes defensive and usually has a story to tell about some "hot little slut/bitch" that is "trying to fuck" him. He used to say I looked like an "emo fag." He hasn't mentioned this since Easter '08, when he insulted my appearance after I had had a few drinks. I replied "Well sir, at least my girlfriend can bend over" in reference to his extremely overweight girlfriend (his first in many years). Once, my girlfriend's mother mistook him for a homeless person walking down our street. I feel like he needs serious therapy or counselling, but how to do help someone that won't admit they have a problem?
Lastly, there is my father. I just can't help but feel he is just lonely. He's an only child and his parents passed away many years ago. He is one of the warmest, most sociable people ever, yet he has absolutely no friends. He just works during the week and watches TV on the weekends. He used to have a dog, and in many ways that was the only friend he needed, but she passed away when I was 18 and my mom disallowed us from getting another.
He misses my sister, who doesn't come to see him because my mother has made her feel unwelcome, to say the least. However; I feel like he's kind of using his kids as a buffer to put off facing a lot of problems with his life and marriage. He, my mother, my brother, and I spend so much time bickering about small issues because we need to ignore the bigger ones staring us on our face.
My plan is to get an apartment with my brother, so I can get him away from my parents. Living with me, I can deal with him in a one-on-one situation where he really has nothing to hide. Also, my parents will be left alone together, no longer able to use problems involving their children as a way to ignore their own.
I am giving this until next summer. I have always been the peace maker in my family, but I don't exist just to sort out everyone's problems. However; If everyone is too damn selfish to work with me on this, I am moving to Minneapolis and never coming back.